Pakistan rejoices  T20 World Cup Victory

By Ghumaltic press(GP) – (reporting “alive” from …..)

Amidst much fanfare, the people of Pakistan celebrated the victory of their national cricket team in the T20 world cup. Ever since India cut off all trade relations, Pakistan have had a shortage of firecrackers. However, the welfare groups of Pakistan did not let down the people and celebrated the win by bursting pipe bombs and cluster bombs. The money for building these bombs came from the donations collected from top government officials, sources said. The United States, not to be left out of the celebrations, decided to count themselves by dropping a couple of missiles, hours before the Pakistan captain Younis Khan making a press statement that their country is safe as heaven.

This statement has been strongly endorsed by the Sri Lankan cricket board. An anonymous official from the Lankan cricket board told the GP that the Pakistan cricket board clarified about the so called attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team. It turns out that it wasn’t an attack after all. It seems like some of the welfare associations were planning an early celebration for the Pakistan team’s victory in the series and the Lankan team bus happened to pass by in the midst of those celebrations. The Pakistan cricket board is expected to give a public statement regarding the same very soon.

Ministers from the Pakistan government sent their congratulatory note to the Pakistan cricket team. The Prime Minister Mr. Syed Yousaf Raza Gillani while congratulating the team, said that this victory provides the much needed solace to the country that has been riddled with “welfare group” celebrations. However, the ISI begged to differ from the Prime Minister’s opinion. In their first ever public statement regarding “welfare group” celebrations, the ISI stated that, the “solace” said by Mr.Gilani is actually coming in the form of aid for fighting (a.k.a aiding) terror and the world cup victory is a danger to that “solace”.  The ISI official also said that their agency is putting pressure on the President Mr. Asif Ali Zardari to issue a statement negating the one made by the Prime Minister in order to make sure that the terror fighting funds still flow consistently. When questioned, the ISI official stated that, this is not new for the Pakistan governmnent as the world has already seen a sample of these intra-governmental antithetical statements during the Mumbai terror attacks and the subsequent capture of the lone terrorist.

Adding further excitement to the world cup victory came the allegations that the Lanky fast bowler Umar Gul tampered the ball. The leading wicket taker in his defence, said that he just rubbed the ball with a soft drink bottle cap in order to remove the grass coloration on the ball and it shouldn’t be called tampering. As the world knows, it is an age old practice of the Pakistan cricket team to remove grass coloration from the ball in that manner. It is expected that the ball tampering charges would be dropped once the heat dies down.

The Ghumaltic Press team congratulates the Pakistan team on the victory.

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